I WAS BITTEN LAST NIGHT...

On my bosom.

By a spider

I had taken the dogs out for their walk round the park, returned home, and had my hand in the air on the open car boot/trunk while the dogs jumped out, and I felt something land in my cleavage.

I thought it was a bit of road debris and thought I'd get it out when I got indoors (I didn't want to be flashing my boobies in the street) - until I felt it moving.

Aaaghghgh! I pulled the top of my shirt away from my chest and looked down into my bra, and saw a flaming huge, yellow and black striped spider.

I quickly pulled the front of my top down, at which point he bit me on my right boob!! I then tried scooping the little beggar out of my bra, shaking my top at the same time, incase he fell out into my top.

I finally got him out and started walking up the drive when I noticed that he'd slung a web around my shoe, and I was dragging him into the house with me. So, I stood in the middle of the drive, shaking my leg, frantically trying to shake the little beastie off.

FINALLY. Shook him off - went to open the door, turned round to check that he'd gone and the little horror was following me!!

He obviously enjoyed the view when he was down my top.

I don't know why I didn't just stamp on the little git - instead of RUNNING into the house and slamming the door behind me.

If anyone was watching me they must have wet themselves laughing.

Tilly - being stalked by a ninja assassin spider.